I talk a lot. I fill the silence. I share. I laugh and cry with people and I keep the peace more than I should.
I don't challenge people when they say things that are inappropriate or incorrect. I keep the peace.
I don't ask hard questions.
I keep the peace.
I think this makes me a bad person. And also a confusing one, as those whose opinions and philosophies I do not share (or find downright abhorrent) eventually come to see that I wasn't the person they thought I was. And they feel, perhaps rightly, shocked and betrayed by this.
Because I kept my mouth shut when they made assumptions about who I was. And they didn't like me much when I finally revealed myself.
I'm not brave enough.
I keep the peace.
I really relate to this.
ReplyDeleteInteresting... of course I don't know "the real you," but my blog reading-based impression is that you are a person who is upfront and speaks her mind.
ReplyDeleteUnless it's my dad...or my brother... :(
DeleteThis gives me a lot to think about.
ReplyDeleteI also keep the peace.
ReplyDeleteYes, what Helen said. I don't think it makes you a bad person. Keeping the peace is keeping relationships, and thinking about others, trying not to make them feel bad. Those are not bad instincts.
ReplyDeleteI can relate a little. Last year, after our election, I met up with friends. They immediately assumed I voted their way. I met up with other friends not long afterwards. They said, "we can talk to you about the election, can't we?" My response was of course - not knowing what they were going to say. They immediately assumed we had voted their way too. One of these groups of friends was wrong.
Yes this is the problem, the assumption. When people ask, and don't assume, then I allow myself to be more honest. To try and engage (and usually for some reason, the people who hesitate and ask are the people who generally agree with me). But the folks who barrel trough and assume I'm with them lockstep, those are the people I'm silent with. And then later they learn better from a social media post or something I say in another context and they're shocked. It happened a lot when I was an active, liberal, left-edge social justice and practically a buddhist, Catholic. Because I was at church...surely I agreed with all the conservative, Republican, (asshole) Catholics in the pews with me.
DeleteMy instincts for peace-keeping and my feminism are constantly at war. When is silence cowardice and when is it kindness? I'm not good at navigating through family gatherings in the age of Trump. Everything is a minefield.
ReplyDeleteyes.
DeleteI'm getting better with strangers, like at a coffeehouse the other day when a patron was a pure horror to the barista and one of the other customers said something, and then the woman attacked him, I joined in the defense of the worker, who of course sid nothing because it's her job. But I'm terrible with family. And the Trump supporters (or "republican but not with Trump" cowards) are jubilant and mean. So I'm quiet. And it's not right.
Believe it or not, this even affects me! My Kiwi brother-in-law and his American family are Trump supporters. We saw them at Christmas. He was jubilant and a bit mean. I had to bite my tongue. Though even they had to agree to the fact that he can't string two words together to make a sentence.
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