October 4: Outside White Sands, New Mexico

The gates to the state park were wide open. No ranger to check in with. We set up camp in a beautiful desert campground. Clean restrooms, showers. But no one else joined us. Darkness. We were exposed in the wilderness. I didn't want to stay. There was a KOA down in town. They mocked my fear. I sat up all night until the gray light of dawn creeped over the trailer. Then Maeve woke with a fever and earache. I couldn't sleep while others got ready, I had to comfort her and find a clinic. Fragile and worn out from a trip too long, I didn’t chide myself for silly fears. Instead I wondered why my fears didn’t count. It was the wedge in the fissure of our marriage.